slowly going insane studying maths for the GRE...

Its been a while.
Life has been very busy. It's strange to think that once, long, long ago I got bored.
I keep watching people out the window of the bus. The man who was wearing scrubs, and was methodically clapping his hand in the front of his body and then behind it - again and again, while his pants slowly slid down his hips. He couldn't/wouldn't/didn't stop to pick them up.
The old man drunk. Gets on a bus - loud voice tell us a story of running over his own dog "such a beautiful dog, loved to sit in the sun..." while the lady sitting with her dog cringed.
I like making things but I like a lot of things, I'm still doing the whole "education" thing, working on my getting my AS (associate science) and then getting into uni and doing a BS in medical tech. We'll see if I can handel the maths, the chem and the biology.
We got married on August 10th. Mum and Jesse were able to come out. It was small we got married by a judge and then ate a wonderful meal at a restaurant we used to live near when I first visited. It was nice, not hugely stressful, we caught the bus to see the judge.
It's strange to think about the future. There are so many unknowns, of course I'd like to keep them that way, only sometimes I'd like to know. Like: What country will we be living in in 5 years time?

I'm going to Australia tomorrow. I don't want to go. There are to many obligations, and very little health. Its such a long trip to make, from the sun into the rain.

We go to Japan next week, for a week. Kyoto, Osaka and Tokyo.
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2 new cats - Marco and Fumble.
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Finally have an orchestra to play in - at least once - Brahms and Tchaikovsky.
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Amongst the man singing to the sky and recognition of hominid skulls things are askew.

Doozer died this morning. I'm sorry Doozy I miss you.

I miss Australia. I want sun, and hard pallet accents.

Watching from the outside, not quite feeling inside. strange.
A met a man last week trying to cross the road while the hand was red, I stopped and talked to him. Dan. He works at school, he could see better last year than the current, he has beaten the bus up the hill on a number of occasions. I watched as he stumbled up the path, a ledge sticking out - a topple, a slight crack in the path his cane would catch. I wanted to take his arm, but all I could do was talk.

A call, apologetic voice, weird. same old same old, money doesn't always change people.

I watch the night become morning, the fade out. a sky of pale grey blue, reflected on water, fog, everything the one, the same. mirrored on faces, grey, pale, pink lips, a nod, breath in wisps, hands in pockets fondling the warm belly beneath.

The bridge in the mornings, walking over the traffic - the hundreds of cars, the thousands of people moving, awake. the sky changing above me, watching it move, filter clouds, colours dissipate - disperse.

rational.

watching peoples lips when they talk, the teeth brief, the lips changing, contorting. A coral glossy lipstick on a ashen face, kohl darkened eyes beneath felt tip hair. Talking without halting, waking without sleeping, needing without knowing.

Bus - 49 Downtown
I sit down. A man gets in later on, he sits on the stairs. A man coughs - huge haggard coughs full of phlegm and disease. The man on the stairs starts yelling at this guy "What you fucking looking at? I'll kick you in the face!" the other guy starts yelling back "Come on then! Come on!" Went on for a while - a woman who looks like a forty year old hooker turns around, stares the whole time. The man on the stairs moves, sits on the other set of stairs. Waits a few moments, gets up and states "Fucking bitches talking about the ferry prieces, lying bitches!" stalks off. The man next to me, glasses, long eyelashes, a hat, "be safe" he says "be safe."

At the bus stop downtown waiting for the bus home. A lady wearing a long black woolen coat, resting herself on her walking frame, looking through the rain with bright clear eyes and rosy cheeks yells "Cock! Those fucking Baimbridge Island pimps!"

I watch a guy across the road finger his parker zipper whilst swinging himself backwards and forwards watching the sky.

Spanish sounds like sanity.

I got up before 6am. In fact every hour between 1am an 5am, i woke, turned and looked at my phone on the bedside table and hoped it was time to get up. Hopefully today i change a subject - i've decided to change from an arts thing to a more science based 'thing' (whatever the hell that is...). i'm dropping psych and picking up botany - i've always loved plants i'm not sure i like the microscopically though...

its strange getting up this early. i'm tired already. but i leave someone in bed asleep, and i greet a cat that is awfully happy that i'm awake so i can play with him.

they were (for the 2 people who did it)
1. Baraka
2. Napoleon Dynamite
3. Fight Club
4. Capturing the Friedmans
5. Roman Holiday
6. The Goonies
7. Big Trouble in Little China
8. Amelie
9. Shaolin Soccer
10. Being John Malkovich
11. Spaceballs
12. Harold and Maude
13. The Shining
14. CB4
15. Million Dollar Baby

I met Isabella again today. We have a strange relationship built upon the fact that we are foreigners and were brought up by Europeans. I feel uncertain at times around her, though we can talk for hours and it will be ok. I'm glad she's found her passion - she was so apathetic before, to life, to school, to everything. So, I decided that she had assistance finding out (or revealing) what it is that she wanted to do - that well, perhaps I should go to this wonderful person. So I did. Ms. Nelson. I have to admit I was awkward, I didn't know what I was going to tell her (do you ever know what your going to say to someone? and if so does it always go just as you planned it in your head?) Not only that but she was a woman very proud to be African American - her office was filled with quotes from Martin Luther King, a calender displaying a beautiful black girl looking down with primary coloured beads strung through her hair, a small card of a little black girl walking amongst white folks in business suits, and saintly lady watching me beside a quote about sisterhood. She sat me down, and asked "begin at the beginning" "Ok" I say in my awkward way "there are quite a few beginnings. I guess I'll begin with one. I'm not sure what to study. I do at times feel that I have wasted a significant portion of my life on study, and to be honest I'm really quite afraid that I will do that once again". "Why do you need to know what to study?" she asks. "Because I need to know how to answer people when they ask me what I'm studying, it helps me clarify life if I can make sense of things - have directions, logical paths".
The conclusion I have, and it helps me to know this is "I don't mind studying as long as I have a context. In fact that is what I'm pretty damn sure I want". It's just the context now, I will not know the answer this quarter. But I am working on it. Thanks to Ms. Nelson.

I met a guy on the bus, he started talking, telling me that his grandfather owns some club in Queen Anne and that he does the accounting for it. He tells me that he was in Iraq and that he has been back 6 months and then 8 months. He tells me he's from Australia "No way! I am too. But I don't recognise your accent" I say "I don't notice yours he says - it sounds Americanized." This scares me for some reason. I know that I still hold Australia as a huge part of my identity - its where I was born and raised, and I would like to be noticed as being "not american" in america. I guess I hold a weird pride in my distance from those I'm surrounded by - a pride in what - perhaps just being different.

1. Pick 15 films you love/thoroughly enjoyed.
2. Find screen captures (stills) for each film, preferably from scenes you like. If you can't find a still, pick a new movie. Post them.
3. Let your friendlist guess what movie each still is from, but without googling it.
4. Screen the replies so that everyone gets a chance (especially if you've picked damn easy movies)

( Read more... )

I'm finding it hard to make friends. I'm noticing that it is hard to go without meaningful contact with people. I wake up at night wondering if what I can do with my life will be meaningful, I'm paralyzed by the idea that I'll choose a career/life that is selfish.
I'm sitting inside and it is sunny outside.

Life has been busy. School has been good actually - here I feel like I'm in hight school - the schedule is well... regular - I was there 5 days a week. I loved psych, english seemed pointless, music was a really nice thing to go to school to - walking in and hearing Beethoven, or Brahms, or Bach was pretty cool. I haven't decided what i want to do. I'm beginning voluntary work at a local hospital next week - I want to see if I can hack the environment and some of the pressures that it presents. I don't know, nursing, nutrition or even psychology seem pretty damn interesting. I'm trying to keep in contact with my psych teacher, Kate, just so she can help give me the low down on psych as a career, the areas, places to study, how much study....
I met some really nice people at school. Jacob, he was in 2 of my classes, nice guy we talked about school work a heap, its really comforting to see someone everyday in 2 of your classes, a familiar face is very comforting. I met Jo and Polly his dog. She's pretty cool - they were in music and she'd randomly snore under the table. Jo's cool to. Raspy voice, thick glasses and a New Jersey accent, nice guy. Then there is Isabella, she's uncertain, honest and sweet- I like Isabella a lot - we're going to go out for Piroshky's next week.
Josh, is buying a condo. For the Aussies, I'm not sure we have condos or we may call them something else (correct me if I'm wrong). It's pretty cool, its in a very green area, right across from a bus stop and has a double garage that I can do some furniture refinishing in which would be great.

I'm auditioning for an orchestra here, we'll see how it goes, it'd be great to be playing again, I do miss playing.